Help for vaginismus and painful sex
Help for vaginismus and painful sex
Pain during sex, or finding penetration difficult or impossible, is common, and help is available. Doctor-led psychosexual therapy, online across the UK or in person in Swindon.
- GMC Registered Doctor (MBBS, MRCGP)
- COSRT Registered Psychosexual Therapist (No. 4539)
- Online across the UK, or in person in Swindon
What is vaginismus?
Vaginismus is when the muscles around the vagina tighten automatically when penetration is attempted. It isn’t something you choose or can simply relax away. The body is trying to protect you.
It can affect sex, using tampons, or having a smear test. Some people have never been able to have penetration; others develop difficulties later, often after a painful experience, childbirth, an infection or a stressful time. Vaginismus is one of several causes of pain during sex, sometimes grouped under the term genito-pelvic pain.
Common signs
- Penetration feels blocked, as if there’s a wall
- Burning, stinging or sharp pain when penetration is tried
- Difficulty inserting tampons or having a smear test
- Fear or anxiety before sex, or avoiding intimacy altogether
- Wanting to be close to a partner but dreading penetration
Many people with vaginismus still enjoy other kinds of touch and can feel aroused. The difficulty is usually specific to penetration.
The pain, tension and fear cycle
Pain or the expectation of pain leads to anxiety. Anxiety makes the pelvic floor muscles tighten. Tight muscles make penetration more painful, which confirms the fear. Over time this cycle can become automatic.
Contributing factors can include a painful first experience, strict or shaming messages about sex, anxiety, past trauma, relationship stress, and physical causes such as infections, skin conditions or hormonal changes. Because physical causes can play a part, it’s worth having them considered alongside the emotional side.
How therapy helps
Many people find vaginismus improves with the right support, and you set the pace throughout. Depending on your situation, therapy may include:
- Understanding your body and how arousal and pelvic floor muscles work
- Ways to calm anxiety and break the fear and pain cycle
- Gradual, private exercises at home, which may include vaginal trainers (dilators) when you feel ready
- Sensate focus and communication work with a partner, if you have one
- Referral to a pelvic health physiotherapist where that would help
As a GP as well as a therapist, I can consider medical factors too, and suggest checks to discuss with your own GP if needed. Sessions are talking only, with no examination. Read more in my article Why does sex hurt?
Session fees
Start with a short, confidential conversation
The introductory consultation lets us talk about what brings you here before you commit to ongoing sessions.
Appointments cancelled or rescheduled with less than 48 hours’ notice may be charged in full. A limited number of reduced-fee spaces may be available; please email to discuss this confidentially.
Frequently asked questions
Is vaginismus common?
Yes. It is one of the most common reasons people seek psychosexual therapy, although many people never talk about it. You are not alone, and help is available.
Will I be examined?
No. Therapy sessions are talking only. If a physical examination would help, I can explain why and suggest discussing it with your GP or a specialist.
Do I need a partner to have therapy?
No. Many people come on their own, whether they are single or in a relationship. A partner can join some sessions later if you would like.
Can vaginismus be treated online?
Yes. Most of the work, including understanding the cycle and planning gradual exercises, happens through conversation, so online sessions work well.
How long does treatment take?
It varies from person to person. Progress depends on what is contributing and the pace you are comfortable with, and we review it together regularly.
More answers on the FAQ page.
You don’t have to keep struggling with this
A confidential 30-minute online conversation for £60, with no commitment to ongoing sessions.
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Written by Dr Kahverry Rajeswaran MBBS, MRCGP, GMC-registered GP and COSRT-registered psychosexual therapist. Last reviewed: 22 October 2026